A garden for goths

For those of you who enjoy the Gothic lifestyle and can no longer suppress the urge to cultivate living plants, I bring you Gothic Gardening at www.gothic.net/~malice/tgindex.html. Here you can find the answer to questions such as, "Are there any black flowers?" (the answer is no but there are some that are very very dark in color). The site contains a number of theme gardens for those with dark souls, including gardens with flowers whose specialty is looking good at night. "Since you gothy types rarely seen [sic] the light of day, what good does a garden do you? Well, here is the answer: a garden that consists of night-fragrant or night-blooming plants. Of course, you can’t really see that black garden at night. The key color here is white. White glows in moonlight. And there are several varieties of plants who bloom exclusively at night, or whose flowers may be open during the day but don’t release their scent until the evening."

"Our Mission is to give others around the world an opportunity for new confidence, increased self-esteem, and the advantages personally and professionally that go along with increasing your height. Whether these differences are real or perceived, the fact is, increasing your height can change the way you feel about yourself and your life." Put the emphasis on the words real or perceived. These people want to sell you a program that will make you taller. Whether their advice and the results are real or perceived, the money you send them will be real. The benefits you get may only be perceived. I find even their domain name offensive: www.ru2short.com/. You're safer buying lifts for your shoes, but it's still a funny site.Some people want to be big Hollywood directors and filmmakers but there's only room in Hollywood for so much grotesque excess. However, the Internet is a great forum for a lot of budding filmmakers to get their product out on the market. One such place is the Blah Witch Project, at www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Set/2638/blahwitch.html, a very, very funny parody. All items are easily downloadable in short or long format. If you like what they've done with the "Blah Witch Project," then give yourself a real treat and download "The Pig Farm," with the hilarious subtitle "a Dark Romp about a Hick, a Hitman, and the Other, OTHER, White Meat." If you can't get to the above website, please try the alternate link www.strangepictures.com. Sometimes when very smart people get together, something funny can result. This time, the result is Jester. "Jester uses statistical techniques (collaborative filtering) to recommend jokes based on your ratings of a set of sample jokes. Jester 2.0 is an improved system (released 1st March 1999) based on analysis of ratings by 7000 users of Jester 1.0. The new version gives faster recommendations using principle component analysis, clustering, b-tree data structures, and a dual-Pentium II server courtesy of Intel Corp." I know, it sounds terribly scientific but it works! I took the sample set of jokes and rated them on a scale of not funny to funny. Then when they were over with, I sat and laughed for quite some time at jokes that I considered to be hilarious. It was wild that so much science could be so funny. You can go back and read more jokes at any time. shadow.ieor.berkeley.edu/humor/ Brought to you by the funny and brainy people at University of California at Berkeley.

"I first became aware of this in the spring of 1995 while having a blueberry stack at Denny's. I had dropped my napkin and was reaching to the floor to pick it up when I noticed they were missing, and thus the three words first escaped from my syrup coated throat. "Where's my pants!!!!!" A phrase that would be repeated by my tortured soul a thousand times over. At first I had no idea where my pants had gone and after this phenomenon had occurred repeatedly for nearly a year I finally sought help from psychologists. Intrigued by my problem, the scientists put me under a strict regiment of treatments that included: hypnosis, shock therapy, enemas, LSD, and Vulcan-mind-melding. After several months of this, memories began to surface. Memories of pant thieving aliens!!! I will not bother you with the details of these memories. What is important is that you know that this is occurring, and it will happen to you, that is, if it hasn't already." www.sock-monkey.com/pants.html