Mary Perdue

With out-of-wedlock pregnancy at an all-time high in Georgia, we find it shocking that the First Lady of the state would publicly invite University of Georgia mascot Uga to the Governor's Mansion for a "sleepover" with the Perdues' dog, Ivy.

The wording of the subsequent press release didn't even make an attempt to obscure the shamelessly salacious nature of the invitation. Quite the contrary; it was stated that Ivy "hoped to ease the pain of Uga's recent rejection by the Georgia Sports Hall of Fame." Even more brazen was the disclosure that Ivy "has a bit of a crush" on the celebrity mascot.

As if these immodest come-ons weren't enough, the message was accompanied by a photo showing Ivy, a 7-year-old boxer, tantalizingly draped with a pink feather boa. The message was unmistakable: If Uga were to drop by the First Crib, he could expect some serious paw-knockin' from this bee-yatch. Talk about bumpin' uglies.

Now, turning the Gov's Mansion into a canine bordello to garner better seats at UGA home games is one thing. (At least the Perdues are open-minded enough to welcome mixed-breed shagging.) However, telling us about these debaucheries is another. Here we are, hoping that Perdue is busy coming up with a solution to the state budget shortfall, and instead his office is churning out this folderol. Last month, it was "First Lady Mary Perdue's Summer Safety Tips," chock-full of common-sense advice so obvious it must have been intended for people who'd never set foot outdoors. ("Supervise children at the swimming pool.")

Too many folks already think this governor is a lightweight. The last thing we need is the first lady acting as chief canine procurement officer. C'mon guys, how 'bout you get back to governing the state and leave the tomfoolery to us?

The Weekly Scalawag is now accepting nominations. E-mail scott.henry @creativeloafing.com.