Dear Karma Cleanser:
I'm male, 24 years old, OK-looking and in good physical shape. However, I can't seem to bag myself a nice girl. In my youth I had an addiction to visiting professional ladies of the night. Is my karma punishing me for these sinful indulgences of my youth? And, if so, how can I fix it before loneliness consumes me? Thanks!
– -- Johnny Magic
Your loneliness is killing you? Hit me baby, one more time! Sorry, the spirit of Britney temporarily possessed us, which shows that you're stuck in a particularly toxic crossroads. The answer: Be stronger, a little outrageous even, and some brave new girl will be a slave for you -- just don't let her be the last to know about your chaotic past. Oops, we did it again.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
My sister-in-law is a vain, shallow, rude person. I have been nice to her for years and tried to ignore her trashy ways until last week. She made dinner at my house and didn't bother to clean the mess.
Not wanting to wait for karma, I asked her nicely, "When are you going to do those dishes?" After two days passed, I cleaned them -- with her toothbrush!
Was that bad?
– -- Scrubbing Bubbles
Kudos to you for a clever, and particularly cruel, strategy. Nothing like a mouthful of dish detergent to really drive a point home. At the same time, we predict that the evil sis won't see it that way, and your actions will only inflame an already impossible situation. As we've said before, "Kill 'em with kindness" -- not with Cascade!
Dear Karma Cleanser:
I wrote you a while back saying that my former boyfriend had posted slander about me online ("His Space, But My Face," Oct. 18). A few days later a friend ran into the loser at a bar and he was complaining that he'd had his identity stolen on the Web. That's right, every photo, every e-mail, everything he had wiped out in one night. I don't want to be, but this news makes me very happy.
– -- Lost in Space
Oh dear. Did you do it? If not, don't gloat, because you could easily be next.
Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.
