I don't give a damn. You think I care about being mentioned in a pledge of faux-patriotism to the greediest, most corrupt civilization in the history of the world when my homies and peeps are killing each other in the West Bank?

Hell to the naw.

Plus, in case you haven't heard, there's a sick band of twisted fanatics called al-Qaeda that's hell-bent on blowing up as many innocents as possible. God ain't down with all that.

And believe it or not, I'm way more concerned about global warming and endangered species, because -- in case you've forgotten -- I'm the one who made this place. And you consuming, materialistic brats are mucking it up.

You think I want my name on your cur-rency? "In God We Trust" -- yeah, right. I care a lot about my name changing hands every time you buy a tank of gas for your SUV, get a super-sized Happy Meal or slide a bill into a stripper's G-string. Makes me real proud. Thanks.

From the very beginning, my relationship with America has been hypocritical. You slipped my name into the Pledge of Allegiance. So what? You execute criminals. You got pro-lifers killing people. What's up with all that? Just doesn't make any sense. When I said, "Thou shalt not kill," I was talking to everybody.

As for that pledge that has your collective panties in a wad, it came up about 50 years ago during the height of the Cold War, when you Americans were illin' about those Godless Communists. It's not like you threw my name in there to please me, or to even honor me. You did it out of blind nationalism and competition with a different governmental ideology. You used my name to evoke a false sense of superiority. So I think I'd rather keep my name out all together.

Listen, I got no problems with your separation of church and state. After all, religious persecution has been a beef of mine long before the Romans got off watching lions and Christians duke it out in the Coliseum.

I just want peace, so chill people. Chill.

Let me say this once and for all: I'd rather you never mention my name and live the right way than bitch about my name, abuse it and live the wrong way. And don't forget, last call is coming up.

God, who doesn't usually take time out of his busy schedule to write opinion columns, wants to give a shout-out to his homies cold-chilling in East ATL -- bling bling, bee-yatches!