TODAY’S CREATIVE LOVING PROFILE
and the first thing that came to mind is "Wow, she's suggesting a porn site," I want you to put down the Loaf and walk away. I am shunning you -- you are banned from reading this column for at least a week. This particular website will happily calculate your odds of any particular flight on any particular airline going to any particular place in any particular month spiraling out of the sky and crashing to the ground killing everyone on board. A happy little website and certainly just for fun. But you have to take a moment and wonder who decided this would be a good idea.
Horrors to the highest bidder
Let me save you a few days of scouring eBay and other auction sites for the weirdest, funniest, scariest auctions out there. Go to
www.disturbingauctions.com
and they are all listed there for you. Particularly frightening is the sculpture of a baby monkey hatching from an egg. Further along in the scary and weird category is the moose-shaped cream dispenser. But you don't need me to tell you everything, go visit for yourself and peruse categories like Art?, Emotionally Scarring Toys and Terrifying Dolls.
The tundra of his mind
"If I ever entered that grueling 1000-mile annual Alaskan dogsled race, instead of using the traditional husky dog, I'd have an entire team of Chihuahuas! Because, hey, they're just so dang cute with those big heads! Let's see now, I've calculated that with the combined weight of the heavy sled, camping gear, food and myself, I'd probably need about 135-140 of those tiny yapping pooches all harnessed together to pull everything. Oh, what a glorious sight!" I'm with this guy. He keeps a journal and I don't even think he does drugs, I just think he has weird little thoughts and he shares them with us. I appreciate that. I really do. Go to Laughing Gas at
http://pages.prodigy.net/jschla/.
A little bit country
For a few minutes of entertainment, saunter on by Really Bad Country Song Titles at
www.downstream.sk.ca/country.htm
There are nearly 100 listed and they are all funny. Sadly, they are all real titles of country songs. Some of the best are listed here for those who read this column and still don't know how to access the Internet. Some genius actually penned a song titled "Get your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in Bed" and another person thought that "I Don't Know Whether to Get Drunk or Go Bowling" was a good song title. But I have to agree with the author of this site that "Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth Because I'm Kissing You Goodbye" is the best bad country song title of all time.
Gamey government action
"Presidential Pong! is two player interactive political humor, from the creative minds of some very warped, overworked people. Missing Link Studios claims no ownership of certain images, songs and rules of Pong used within this game, though all rights are reserved on the concept, code and original artwork within." Yup, you can now pit Dubya against the Inventor of the Internet, Al Gore. You need Shockwave for this but it's a riot. While you're there, go ahead and play a round or two of Elian Pong. You know you want to.
filebox.vt.edu/users/tcorbett/pong.html.
Oh, nonsense
"Mountains are beautiful. They possess a natural beauty which does not require them to go to the bathroom every 16 minutes to powder their noses. Imagine fine dining with a mountain who got up all the time to visit the can to make sure they still look pretty? It would definitely not be like dining with a mountain. It would be fun to dine with a mountain, and let me tell you, it is quite an elegant experience in a fine dining environment, because 95 percent of mountains know that the fork which is placed at the very left of the place setting is used for the fish course. Now that's classy!" OK, it's just weird. It's the Daily Nonsense at
www.thedailynonsense.com/.
If you need a little nonsense, then this is the place for you. Although, on second thought, I'd suggest creating some of your own nonsense, it's much more fun.
Dedicated to those who serve
For all of you who have ever worked in the food service industry and for all of you who haven't, I'd like to present Whine'n'Diner at
www.geocities.com/whine_n_diner/
This is where those who bring you breakfast, lunch and dinner get to have their say. Please, take a few minutes and have a laugh and a cup of compassion for those on the other side of the menu. Of particular interest are the House Rules, of which my favorite is: "The average server will have a station or area of responsibility consisting of a certain number of tables seating a certain number of guests. The most common number is four tables seating four guests each. In an hour's time, each of the sixteen guests will have the server's attention for 3.75 minutes. Do not squander your time."
